Read The Cake Is A Lie, Part 13
We’re behind. The client wants the revised deck by end of day, and half the data’s still not entered. Everyone’s scrambling: screens glowing, keyboards rattling, caffeine levels peaking.
Everyone… except [Coworker].
[Coworker] hasn’t been seen since lunch. He’s notorious for vanishing during crunch time and reappearing only for catered events or company photos. If there's food, he's present.
Read Demolishing Any Hope You Had Left For Humanity
The store has huge chunks demolished and cleared out, all the shelves empty, wires hanging everywhere, the works.
Suddenly, a woman marches past us, wheeling an empty cart.
Customer: "You! Where’s the shampoo aisle? I’ve been looking everywhere!"
Read The Highs And Lows Of Motivational Speakers
I'm folding jeans in the stockroom when our new manager sweeps in like he usually does when he's about to say something profound. He has a way of talking that makes it seem like he's speaking to everyone and no one.
Manager: "Just a reminder, don’t wait around. Take initiative!"
We all nod.
Manager: "But also, make sure you follow protocol. Every time!"
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notalwaysright_feedRead Shock, As All Of Manhattan Wakes Up Today In North Yorkshire, England…
Customer: "We're going on vacation, my boyfriend and I, and we were wondering if you take US dollars over in New Mexico?"
Me: "We do. New Mexico is part of the United States."
Customer: "No... no it's not. New Mexico is part of Mexico."
Read Shock, As All Of Manhattan Wakes Up Today In North Yorkshire, England…
Read Affirmative Actions
I’m processing a backlog of employee reimbursements when a new expense request pops up from the fresh hire in Marketing.
Item: "27" LED monitor."
Reason: "Affirmation display."
I blink and head on over to her desk.
Me: "Hey, just checking, what’s the purpose of this monitor?"
Read Affirmative Actions
Read No Mickey Here, But Gru Might Be Free For A Selfie If You Like Bald Men With Emotional Baggage?
Mom: "Excuse me, what time does the Mickey parade start?"
Me: "There’s no Mickey parade here, ma’am. You’re at Universal Studios."
Dad: "Right, but when does it start?"
Read No Mickey Here, But Gru Might Be Free For A Selfie If You Like Bald Men With Emotional Baggage?
Read Snack Attack
Patron: "Hey, can I eat my lunch in here?"
Me: "There's no food or drink allowed inside the library, but it's okay to have a snack in the lobby by the coffee machine."
Patron: "Great!"
A few moments later, I start to smell something that I should not be smelling and go to investigate. I find the man I spoke to earlier tearing into his 'lunch'.
Read Snack Attack
Read PTOMG!, Part 2
Coworker: "So… [Absent Coworker] is out this week, right?"
Me: "Yeah, she’s on PTO for a week in Maine."
Coworker: "Ah. PTO. Prepare The Others. Makes sense."
Everyone turns.
Other Coworker: "Wait. You think that’s what PTO stands for?"
Read PTOMG!, Part 2
Read There’s No Meating In The Middle, Here
I'm working at the host stand when I get a call on the customer line.
Customer: "Excuse me, I just looked at the menu online, and I’m honestly shocked. There are barely any vegan options."
Read When Dad Hams It Up
I am eight years old at the time. A few months earlier, my family bought our first hamster. I am also a geeky kid who reads a lot.
Me: "It says here that 'hamster' is from the German 'hamstern', meaning 'to hoard'."
Parents: *Noises acknowledging that the kid has said something.*
Read When Dad Hams It Up
Read When There Is A Critical Role To Play
This happened several months ago at my college, where the local club had organized a 'first annual' large game day on Saturday with demonstrations of board games and other activities that were free to attend for anyone attending the college.
Read As American As Apple Chai
Customer: "Ugh. What's with all this foreign junk? Matcha? Chai? Why can't you people just serve normal American coffee?"
Read It’s Like That Ending Was Scripted
One of my classmates is the kind of guy who feels like he's special because he's obsessed with movies, which is not exactly rare in film students, and also thinks he's smarter and more talented than everyone else in the room. He complains about having to sit around listening to our instructors and "wasting time" learning the basics, which he claims he already knows. In particular, Know-It-All Guy is annoyed by the screenwriting classes we have to take.
(I’m grabbing a bite at a diner.In the booth next to me are two guys.I didn’t catch the start of this conversation.) Guy #1:I’m telling you dude,black chick are total anal sluts.With those huge asses wanting to be spanked. Guy#2:If you want to see a huge ass,look in a mirror. (I tried to contain my […]
notalwaysright_feedRead Don’t Bite The Less-Than-Minimum-Wage Hand That Feeds You
For a long time, we had a kids eat free deal once a week. An accompanying adult had to order an entrée, and then they got one kid's meal free based on that. Because of this, a woman came in often with her very large family, including five to six kids.
Read Don’t Bite The Less-Than-Minimum-Wage Hand That Feeds You
notalwaysright_feed - The Cake Is A Lie, Part 13xkcd_feed - Echo Chambernotalwaysright_feed - Demolishing Any Hope You Had Left For Humanitynotalwaysright_feed - The Highs And Lows Of Motivational Speakersnotalwaysright_feed - Shock, As All Of Manhattan Wakes Up Today In North Yorkshire, England…notalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - Affirmative Actionsnotalwaysright_feed - No Mickey Here, But Gru Might Be Free For A Selfie If You Like Bald Men With Emotional Baggage?notalwaysright_feed - Snack Attacknotalwaysright_feed - PTOMG!, Part 2notalwaysright_feed - There’s No Meating In The Middle, Herenotalwaysright_feed - When Dad Hams It Upnotalwaysright_feed - When There Is A Critical Role To Playnotalwaysright_feed - As American As Apple Chainotalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - It’s Like That Ending Was Scriptednotalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - Don’t Bite The Less-Than-Minimum-Wage Hand That Feeds You![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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